Advice on next step with child molestation?

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Question by : Advice on next step with child molestation?
My children live with their father. July 13th, my son called me to come get him, (they live an hour and a half away). So, I drove to get him. On the way back to my home he told me that his father’s girlfriend was molesting him. I called CYS the next day. Everything came back unfounded and dad’s girlfriend took a lie detector test and some assessment and passed. Dad has me in court now claiming that I made up the allegations and made my son say these things happened. This past court date, the judge talked to my son and asked him if I made him say these things. He told the judge no, but because he paused a second before he said that the judge says he doesn’t believe him and that he believes I did in fact make him say that. He isn’t revoking my visitation because he has no proof. I don’t know what to do! My attorney isn’t doing anything. I have proof that someone else had called cys too and she tells me it doesn’t matter, she has literally done nothing but show up to court.
My son is 11. He’s close to his dad and told him about it but he ignored him. I reported it to CYS and ten days later get a phone call that someone called the child line and reported the abuse. I don’t know who called the child line. Dad is being spiteful, this is to punish me because I broke the marriage off and he likes this power trip and control he has. I wasn’t working when he moved out of the home and he had not been keeping up with the bills. I ended up losing the apartment because he wasn’t paying anything or helping and the little income I had wasn’t enough. I had to move in with my mom. We were on ok terms and he agreed to take the children until I could get my own place. He was living with another woman already and didn’t like that I starting to see someone so he went to the court and filed for custoday. Sadly my attorney was legal aid and she told me I couldnt do anything but agree to his terms because I didn’t have my own place. Stupid me thought she was right
He has not seen a therapist either. CYS is not happy with me because I filed a complaint on them. My ex’s mother used to work for them and admitted that one of the workers was giving her advice and helping her with the case. So confidentiality was broken. It’s really ridiculous how this is playing out. It’s like a bad dream I can’t wake up from and the injustice is obscene.

Best answer:

Answer by Trisha
You are a good momma for believing your son unquestionably. However if CYS investigated and she passed her lie detector and the judge has found it untrue, maybe you need to ask a few more questions. First off how old is your son, is he old enough to know what he is saying. Was there some kind of confrontation at dad’s that could cause him to make this up. Since the girlfriend is not a wife, can you get a court order that she not be around while your son is visiting dad? Ask questions and pursue the matter, because if it is a true statement you wouldn’t want to put your child in a situation.

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Comments on Advice on next step with child molestation? Leave a Comment

faireegurl06 @ 7:55 am #

I have some questions–someone else called cys on the girlfriend? Was it another person unrelated to you or this case? Why did your ex take you to court over this? Is it because there are other issues you have with him, or is he just being spiteful? Another question–and if its too personal I apologize and you don’t have to answer–why do your kids live with their dad? The reason I ask is because my step-children live with us as their mother signed custody over. Afterwards, my stepdaughter was molested while visiting at her mom’s and for the last 7 years has had no rights, hasn’t seen her, and has supervised visits with the 16 yr old.

Did you take your son to a therapist? My kids went to a therapist around that time and the therapist knew without a doubt that something had happened to her. How old is your son? If he’s older, could it be that he got into an argument with his dad or the girlfriend and just said that to go to your house-not realizing what would happen afterwards? I’m not in any way trying to say he made it up, I’m just wondering if maybe there’s other circumstances that contributed to this. If your visitation is not being revoked, and no further court proceedings are scheduled, I would let it go for now, and get him into therapy. It will come out eventually if it did in fact happen. Once you document everything and have an opinion from a professional, it may be easier to take care of it. We found this out the hard way. We went back and forth with Protective Services and Friend of the Court as far as visitation because no one wanted to do anything about it. Eventually, the person that did this to her failed a lie detector and pretty much told on himself. He wasn’t too bright.

It’s a difficult situation, especially depending on the age of the child, because no one knows for sure what other circumstances may have led to him saying this. It very well may be true, as I belived my daughter from day one. The only thing you can do is keep believing him if you feel it happened, and get him to a professional to make an assessment. If it didn’t happen, a therapist still may be a good idea, because there’s obviously something else going on that would make him say something like that.

The only thing I can offer you as far as advice is personal experience. I wish I could help you out more, but this kind of a situation is very complicated, esp. in the case of a younger child.

Twilight Princess @ 8:24 am #

Well, lie detector tests are unreliable, and not all molestation leaves distinct physical evidence.

So, I’d suggest taking the son to a therapist cause it’ll be best for him either way. If he’s being molested the therapist will know, and if not then if he made it up he’s still got some kind of problem that would probably be helped with therapy.

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